If you haven’t been paying attention to your life, then maybe you should. I honestly don’t think happiness is the goal here.
If I had to go back and reflect on my (short) life, I wouldn’t say I was happy most of the time.
I had spurts of very happy moments. Some warm-comfy ones. Some happy-to-be-in-love ones. Some crazy-happy-dancing ones. Some great surprises. Some happy movie-watching-glad-for-the-hero moments. But those are all different kinds of happy. Why the hell gather them all up in a one-size-fits-all-packet? You can’t really can you?
Then you have sad moments. There are sometimes difficulties, stressful obstacles to overcome, long projects you want to do, some things have to be done that you don’t want to do. There are the difficult conversations, the people that get sick, those who die, those you get in fights with… they are all “unhappy” moments but needed to grow and advance.
Do you honestly think that what you really want is to move around life in a constant state of bliss? I don’t think so. Being that way would mean being detached from life, from emotion, from understanding, from empathy, from bonds, from love, from work. I don’t think that’s what I want. I tried.
It was boring… I was boring. No edges, no moods, no true opinions, but recited psalms I picked about love, and compassion and forgiveness. No spice, no prickle, no ups and downs.Because it all felt the same to me. I’m sure you’ve met some people like that. They feel fake. It’s because they give no true meaning to anything.
Because that is what I think I truly want. I want to give meaning to my actions. Because if you attach no emotion, no goal, no purpose to what you think, do, or say, then why try at all?
Why do you buy a certain car? A certain pair of shoes? Is it because of rational reasons? No, it’s the meaning, the emotion you attach to a colour, a design, a sensation. It is the story you are telling about yourself. How you dress, what you like, what you don’t like. It all tells something about who you are.
If you’re unhappy, or you are feeling one of those negative emotions that ripple through everything in your life, then I have an answer for WHY that happens. It’s because you have become a character in someone else’s story.
You have become someone’s employee, someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend, someone’s child, someones parent, and your life has lost it’s meaning to YOU. You feel out of control, and playing a character that you don’t like.
You’re not seeking happiness. Happiness is a by-product of the meaning YOU give to your life. I have no judgement if you lIKE being someone’s employee, someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend, someone’s child, someones parent, but YOU have to have wilfully chosen that role. Don’t ever let anyone else do your casting for you. Or if you like that, then admit it, embrace it and let that thought put a smile on your face.
We’re all trying to figure this thing out, and you are the hero of your story. Or if you prefer the role of sidekick, bad guy, damsel in distress, embrace the role you have chosen for yourself.
If you try to be happy all the time, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Enjoy the good moments, and see the bad ones as a sign you are moving forward and have obstacles to overcome.
If you have no clue where to start, I strongly suggest you go and read Steve Kambs “Level Up Your Life”. It gives a step by step guide to creating the life YOU want. This is especially good if you have a gamers mindset.
Go choose your life, what it means to you, and stop trying to be happy. Live your life, and enjoy the good and the bad. The purpose of your life isn’t to be happy. It’s purpose is to have purpose.
Take it easy.